Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Last Saturday was the day from hell. Sort of I went to work with puffy eyes

I spoked to my my supervisor and I  spent the rest of the conversation defending myself and the choices I've made in my job. I often say I have no regrets, but I suppose in  the end I do.  I never thought I'd say these words, but I am so tired of having to explain myself and I am so tired of being told.

 I'm trying to stay positive, but I feel like crying all day.

I felt very empty going out of my office and  I suddenly missed my friends terribly.

Now, Everything was getting to me. I'm getting ready for the depression, I'll feel when its finally over, but I really didn't feel emotional  anymore when I got home. It was like it had already ended for me.

But I know I'm gonna feel something later, l just don't know when that's gonna be.

Right now, there are no words to describe the weariness I feel today. I have not slept well in days, and even when I do, there is no comfort

What is happening to me?

Inside my head there is never silence. I feel at any moment that I could break. I want to cry for all the sadness in the world, but mostly my own.

I know this depression will past and I'll get by



 I'm going down a gentle slope with an empty suitcase.
When I look back, I see a shiny red roof in the distance.
I'm leaving this house on the hill today.

I've always done it like this
and I will continue to do so.
I look my best on windy mornings.
I'm sure I can catch a good head wind.

I gain everything
and I lose everything.
Everything is slipping through my fingers,
but my heart is still standing here,
and once again, I will start walking.

I gain everything
and I lose everything.
When I'm left with a blank page,
the fire of hope in my heart is always bright.

Why? Raising a tough question, the day an important dream had been broken.
I saw a scene never seen over the wall.
I was never conceited.

Birds sleep now, resting their wings
to travel tomorrow morning. Lightly flying by they're so far away

Even people again
can be happy.
People told me goodbye now.
The new town, I think
surely, believe myself to meet again.

Remembering how now, whether it is or was not right,
walking under the sun, waving.

Sunday, June 17, 2012


Once there was boy. His father was a very busy man. One day he asked his father who came home late in the night as usual, “Dad, how much money do you make in one hour?” The father said, “It is none of your business. But for your knowledge I make 100.00 dollars every hour.”

The boy then asked, “Dad can you lend me 99 Dollars.” The father got wild and said, “If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about it, why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and I don't have time for such childish games."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.” After sometime the father went to his son’s bedroom and gave 99 dollars to his son and asked why he needed the money. The little boy took out one dollar kept under his pillow and replied, “Because I can’t be lucky 99 more times to find dollars lying on the road. Here is your 100 dollars, dad. Can I buy an hour of your time?”

The father cried then hugged his son and he said sorry


Wednesday, June 6, 2012



I know that there are those that don't believe that online or Internet friendships are real, that true friendships require a degree of personal interaction.

Personally,  I am someone who has a hard time interacting with and connecting with people, sometimes it's easier for me to develop relationships with people online, where my usual nervousness and awkwardness is not expressed or conveyed as it would be in person.

It was never my intention to find friends online. And I basically just wanted to vent some things and see if anyone else shared the same feelings and experiences as myself.

I  made a few temporary friends online. But one day, I made a friend and we really did like each other. We met in a forum and we talked everyday online.

Just because someone cant see you, you feel a little braver, a little more free and find yourself telling a total stranger your deepest darkest secrets. And because of  that the person is not so much a stranger anymore.

 Oh yeah, There is one thing to be said about us, we were really tight, you know, as friends.

We talk about stuff and things. He gives me advice, I give him a few tips and he gives me a few tips.

We really have a give-and-take relationship.

We would usually talk about our ex-girlfriends, sex, gym, work etc.

During our conversation, he asked me a question, which really surprised me:

BFF:  It's possible for you to fall in love with a guy?

Milch: ...................... Silence....

BFF: Answer the question please :)

Milch:  I'm hoping that you will get  a sex change in the future, so that you can be my girlfriend

BFF: [Offline]

I've had girlfriends, but nothing is as good as him, Am I falling for him? I have to admit masaya ako pagnagchachat kami,. And I was really upset when he signed out. It's not like him to signed out kasi usually nagpapaalam siya.

Damn! Does he like me? But I have to admit I like him too.

 Is this romantic love or is it just a bromance between us? Oh my God!! Am I turning gay now? Or do I see him as an older brother too me. Kasi di naman kami close ng kuya ko.

Caught in a  Bromance



If ever decided to go to the other side, Then my family will disown me at tatanggalan pa ako ng mana.

And besides I am still attracted to women.

After a few weeks we began chatting again  and he never asked me the question again...

 We have been good friends for almost 5 years now but  we don't know each other in real life.

We  haven't  seen each others  face.

He is someone who always lends and ear and a shoulder, even during those times when  he needs them just as much. This person who is a true flesh and blood friend even though I have never met them in the flesh. But it doesn't matter. He is my best friend nonetheless, and I thank him for that friendship.

The reason why we haven't met, is because he works abroad. But he promised to see me if he ever visits the Philippines in the future.

 Well at least I have someone in mind na magiging best man ko if ever I get married coz his single too